Thursday, August 28, 2008

How to Make: Authentic Prison Hooch

Before reading this, please do realize, that this is not your fancy guide for making snazzy Wine. It's simply a fun how-to-do, for your average Joe looking to have some fun and learn something new.

During my long, boring stay in Montana, I decided it was time to liven up the mood and in commemoration of vaycaying in Hicksville USA, I thought today I would show you how to prepare a special drink popularized amongst prison inmates. Though it isn't your ordinary alcoholic beverage, it is certainly good enough to get fucked up off of. First I'll list off the things needed to create this nector of the Gods (LOL).

1. Sugar, lots of it. Things you may want to include are sugar cubes, cane sugar, fruit drink mixes (Kool-Aid mix), Fruit, Kethcup, etc.

2. A source of yeast. Cooking yeast will do but in the spirit of making authentic Hooch I just balled up some old bread and stuffed it in a sock. Don't worry, you could put freshly molded bread inside of your concoction and the yeast would die off once fully fermented.

3. Some kind of juice. I used good ol' O.J. but anything will work. Add water depending on how strong you want it, I didn't add any because I only used a two-liter (Plus I like it strong!).

4. A container of some sort. This can be anything. A lot of homemade batches of Hooch are even prepared in a garbage bag.

Okay, once you have everything you more or less mix it together in no particular order and stick it some where warm to ferment over the next 7 days.

Now the crucial part is making sure you have some sort of opening to let the Carbon Dioxide out or it will explode. Do not make the opening too large OR if you are up to maintaining it, you can burp your container periodically so it doesn't blow up.

Once the 7 days are up, strain the liquid out with a coffee filter or something else (a few times to be sure there is no dead yeast floating in your Hooch) and drink up.